The Day Before...August 16, 2002

My friend, Jeff

It was a day like any other. However, this was always my favorite day of the week, Sunday. Many had accused me over the years that it was the only day I worked. They would say that, turn away, and laugh under their breath. Somehow, I always believed they meant it. You see, I'm a pastor, hence the joke.
I remember that morning....mostly. For many months, I couldn't remember what went on not only on that day, but many days before that. The night before, a good friend of mine, Jeff, came over to deliver some signs he had created for our church. They looked good. We encouraged each other, laughed together, and after many joyous moments, he left and returned home.
Little did I know this Saturday was my last normal Saturday. Next was years of questioning, pain, sleeplessness, and rehab. None of this was not in my plan for my life.

Awake

That first week in the hospital was a blur... a blur of feelings, a blur of vision, a blur reality. What is the place? Am I alive who are these people?
One of my first thoughts was, "Why am I back here, on earth?" Surely heaven was i my grasp... now, the reality of God's presence and being with Him had vanished. Whatever world I came back to was now my reality. I was stunned.
I lay there in that hospital ICU room with tubes coming out of me from places I didn't think you could stick tubes. More Borg than human. Worst of all, I was on a breathing machine. That meant not only could I not breath on my own, I couldn't speak. I couldn't communicate. I couldn't ask questions. I would have to wait to ask what had happened to me.

It was in that haze that my memory really begins. As I lay there, unmoving, immobile, incapable of speech, and with fuzzy vision, a group of warriors walked in...prayer warriors. Led by the most capable prayer general I knew, Pastor Jack. The pastor of our sponsoring church.
They walked in, surrounded my bed, shared pleasantries, joined hands, read Scripture, and began to pray.
My recovery began that moment. I was dropped. In my helplessness, I was dropped into the arms of my loving God who would be more that enough in the years of recovery in front of me.

"Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up." (James 5:14-15 HCSB)

In His Presence

What happened next is what I will always remember. Interestingly enough, my neuro-psychologist tells me I should not be able to remember my thoughts. He doesn't even think that it is a hallucination or a dream, because my memory from that time was wiped clear from drugs and operations and brain tissue loss and the like. So, he actually has no explanation. He told me that it was something much deeper and more profound that anything he understood or has studied or even heard of.

Here is my experience:

I was lying on a bed in the dark. It was not a scary dark, but the kind of dark that you feel comfortable in. I have described it as being at my grandmom and grandad's home after a big day of eating and festivities and all was right in the world. As I laid there, I felt a presence with me. For the record, I saw no light at the end of a tunnel or any angelic beings. The presence gave me a sense of assurance and warmth from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. I knew that no matter where I was and what was happening to me, I was alright. I had a sense that a comforter was draped over me as I looked up into the darkness.

As I was lying there in the Presence, I knew that the presence was God. I never saw Him, but I knew He was there...right beside me. Then, I began to experience great feeling of euphoria. I had a peace that I had never before or since experienced. At the same time, there was an incredible joy that was welling up inside me. There was also a great attitude of submission. As I lay there, I wasn't thinking about how I could make a bargain with God or try to talk Him into letting me go back to my life as before. The only words that reverberated in my mind were, "Thy will be done...Thy will be done...Thy will be done."

How long was I like that? I have no idea. I call a "moment in time." Time seemed to stop, and I could not sense if had been there minutes, hours, or days.

As quickly as I was ushered into His presence, I was taken away and thrust into reality. I would soon experience what was happening in the former world I had been a part of only a little while ago.

I opened my eyes looked around me and far from the comfort of the warm darkness, everything I saw was white and harsh. The only comfort near me was My wife...her face was tenderly next to mine. Kelly was saying something, but I wasn't listening to her. All I could get out was. "What happened?"

Just as quickly as that experience started, it was gone.

8 Years Ago Today

On this anniversary of my "life day" as I like to call it...I want to take a few words to thank my incredible medical team that diagnosed me, kept me alive, operated on me, and then helped me walk again at Roper Hospital, downtown Charleston, SC.
Dr. Matthew Blue, ER doctor
Dr. David Peterseim, Cardio Thoracic Surgeon
Stephen Ammons, occupational therapist
Robin, physical therapist
Kim, recreational therapist
All my other therapists, nurses, dietitians, and nurses helpers, maids, and volunteers.
It took a whole crew to get me back on my feet. Thanks to all of you.
Thanks also to the social workers that got my bill paid and to all of Roper Hospital for being the best care I could have ever dreamed of. I'm still alive and kicking.

I would also like to thank Oceanside Church for sticking with all these through what has been a wild ride. You have been marvelous to me and I couldn't have asked for better friends during the most difficult days. I love you all.

Because of my added years, I have seen my sons married and graduate from college. I have experienced the joys of being a grandfather thanks to the births of Maggie, Jacob, and Quentin. My oldest daughter graduate from Wando High School and enter college. My youngest daughter attend Wando High. I have also added two wonderful daughters (in law) to my family. I have been able to live a relatively normal life for 8 years. If I should pass on from this life to the next, it has been worth it to stay with all of you for these years.

Finally, I love my wife so much whom I have also seen graduate from college (CSU, 2010). We celebrated our 29th anniversary this past May 28th. This really has been a wonderful life!

The Night Before, August 16, 2003

It was a day like any other. However, this was always my favorite day of the week, Sunday. Many had accused me over the years that it was the only day I worked. They would say that, turn away, and laugh under their breath. Somehow, I always believed they meant it. You see, I'm a pastor, hence the joke.

I remember that morning....mostly. For many months, I couldn't remember what went on not only on that day, but many days before that. The night before, a good friend of mine, Jeff, came over to deliver some signs he had created for our church. They looked good. We encouraged each other, laughed together, and prayed for one another before he left a couple of hours later.

Now I could spend some time reading over my message for the next day. The message was going to encourage people to fight the battle that was ahead...whatever it might be. God had promised Joshua to be strong and take courage because He would be with him. Little did I know the foreboding nature of that very same message. Truly a message not for the people of the church, but for this pastor.  I would need it over and over again in the days and months and years ahead. Even the clip I was going to use to illustrate my point was from a popular movie that had the hero picking up the flag and moving it forward when there seemed to be nothing ahead of his charge but sure death. Hmmmm... would I be willing to listen to my own message?

The bed felt good that night. I easily walked through the house, up the stairs, and then tiredly flopped into bed with my  wife of just over 20 years, Kelly. She had always been such a great support and encouragement. She had loved me when I wasn't lovely, forgave me when I didn't deserve it, and supported me through the dumb decisions of my life. She was and still is the love of my life. Besides all that, she was beautiful and sweet and kind and...but I digress.

I turned over, kissed her goodnight, cut the light out, and laid my head on my pillow. I never was good about going to sleep the night before I was to share the Word of God with His people. Besides, we were hoping for some guests the next day...and wasn't this Shawn and Lisa's last Sunday before returning to Arizona to watch our borders? My mind turned thought after thought as my head was neatly tucked into the down pillow. I laid there for  an hour or so before finally drifting off into restless sleep. I would need all the rest I could get.

This would be my last night in this bed...ever. Had I known what was about to happen, what would I have done that last night? What would have changed? Would I have slept at all?

My Story - Back from the Brink of Death

Hi! I'm one of those people you read about who nearly dies and came back. It was incredible! I want to be able to tell my story. Hope you'll take the time to read and come back for installments as I fight my way back to health.
See ya' soon,
AliveAgain